Eejit.

glamorgrime:murmuju:mariecriedwolf:-baribeautiful J.D. Salinger - Kids who don’t fit in (duh). Stephenie Meyer - People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 <3. J.K. Rowling - Smart geeks. Jeffrey Eugenides - Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger. Lauren Weisberger - Girls who can’t read. Or think. Jonathan Safran Foer - 30somethings who were cool when they were 20something. Jodi Picoult - Your mom when she’s at her time of the month. Chuck Klosterman - Boys who don’t read. Chuck Palahniuk - Boys who can’t read. Ayn Rand - Workaholics seeking validation. (I fking hate Ayn Rand. hate.) Jane Austen - Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”. Haruki Murakami - People who like good music. Ralph Waldo Emerson - People who can start a fire.  Nathaniel Hawthorne - People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants. Charles Dickens - Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing. William Shakespeare - People who like bondage. Sob stories. Mark Twain - Liars. Anne Rice - People who don’t use conditioner in their hair. Edgar Allan Poe - Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders. John Grisham - Doctors who went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic. Emily Giffin - Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums. Richard Russo - People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”. Anaïs Nin - Librarians. (Anais Nin is a close 2nd in ‘what is this fkery’) Margaret Atwood - Women whose favorite color is hunter green. Jackie Collins - Your drunk stepmother. Nicholas Sparks - Women who are usually constipated. Sylvia Plath - Girls who keep journals (too easy). George Orwell - Conspiracy theorists (too easy). Aldous Huxley - People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans. Harper Lee - People who have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade). Nick Hornby - Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them. Ernest Hemingway - Men who own cottages. F. Scott Fitzgerald - People who get adjustable-rate mortgages. Vladimir Nabokov - Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’. Friedrich Nietzsche - Hates the world Bret Easton Ellis - Foo Fighters’ fans. Hunter S Thompson - That kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo. Thomas Aquinas - Premature ejaculators. Thomas Pynchon - People who used to be fans of J.D. Salinger. Stephen King - 11th graders who peed their pants while watching the movie It. Lewis Carroll - People who move to Thailand after high school for the drug scene. C.S. Lewis - Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade. Shel Silverstein - Girls who can’t spell “leheim”. Tom Clancy - People who skipped school by hiding out in the gym. Herman Hesse - People who own one straw chair in their house. Susan Wiggs - Older women who are surprisingly loud during sex. Nicole Krauss - Girls who intern at Nylon but end up moving back to the Midwest for their real job. Mitch Albom - People who didn’t go to college but do well on crossword puzzles. Virginia Woolf - Female high-school French teachers who have their master’s degree. Richard Dawkins - People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.

saturninefilms: You people make me sick to my stomach sometimes.